Past #0152

*searching through the past history* i ran & search frantically… what am i lookin’ for? what am i doin’ here? where am i? i cried, i shouted, i yelled… there’s no replies.. its dark, darkness everywhere.. and its getting darker….what’s that? what’s that bright tiny dot over there?.. i ran towards it..faster and faster.. ah! hope.. yes.. it’s hope.. that’s what i’m lookin’ for.. and faith.. and.. love.. i stopped. love.. it hurts.. do i want it? again? no.. not anymore.. not again.. no. no. and no. i kneeled down and cried bitterly.. a gust of wind rushed past me.. its warm… and comfortin’.. i opened my eyes and alas! its bright.. the wind.. there’s somethin’ about the wind.. its.. its filled with love… pure love… i’m smiling.. am i? yes.. i am.. i am happy.. very very happy.. i’m dancin’.. this was the happiest moment in my life.. this is what i want, isn’t it? .. the wind stopped. i stopped. i turned around… walked around.. its still.. its bright but still.. no wind.. its empty.. what happened? what happened? i stood there.. lost.. it will come back right? it will… right? i’ll just wait patiently for it.. right? … right? .. i waited and waited. for how long, i’ve got no idea. it seems like years, decades. i’d lost track of time. i’m thinking again. why? why am i still here? why am i still here waiting? what am i waiting for? i looked around. nothing had changed. everything remains the same. i’m still the same. or am i? no.. i’m different. wait… hey.. wait.. where’s the darkness? it’s gone.. yes.. it’s really gone.. gone for good? i stared at the sky. no sign of any darkness… suddenly i yearned for it. oh no.. why am i yearning for it. i missed the darkness? the cold lonely darkness that filled those days.. those worst days in my life. is this my life in the first place? but why do i miss those darkness…why? i kept thinking, i kept asking myself. why? why? why? why? oh… headaches.. ouch.. i… i can’t think anymore. i dropped to the ground. gave up. tears roll down my face. “why are you crying?” i’ve got no idea.. i really don’t. i missed the darkness. i missed the wind embracing me. i missed a lot of things, don’t i? yes.. i do.. i sat there and looked down. a gust of wind past by, and the sky darkens a bit. but its different. the wind, the darkness. both seems different. the wind seems a bit cold now. the darkness don’t seem that dark now. what’s happening? i looked up. eh? why are there sunflowers everywhere now? did i moved to another place? no.. i’m not, i’m still here but.. i smiled. i stood up. i ran. i danced. i’m so happy. i’m so occupied. i forgotten. another gust of wind past me. so familiar. i stopped, panting, catching my breathe. the wind.. it’s back. still somewhat comforting. is it the same gust of wind? i thought. yes… it is.. i smiled… the sweetest smile i’ve ever smiled. what am i doin’ here? i don’t know. and i don’t care. where am i? neither do i want to know that. i just wanna live my life happily. be it anywhere. what’s gonna happen in the future? i don’t know, i really don’t. what will be, will be… i kept on running… *end of past history*

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