Past #0154

8.34am: I just came back from jogging. But when I woke up at 7am this morning, with my eyes still half closed, I read one weird message from someone. “I’m so stupid. I already knew from the start we are not in the same league. i should have kept my resolve in staying away.” Seriously speaking, I don’t really know what it means, but it sure doesn’t sounds good. And I’ve got no idea what’s happening now. I sure hope she’s alright. I also don’t know what she’s trying to say but.. sigh..

5.20pm: I sat in front of my computer again. I’m at home. Thank God for that. Coming back home was more or less the nicest thing to do ever since I stayed in hall. Overcast now. Think it’s going to rain soon. I love the rain. I prayed last night. Long time never did that. I need some answers. Answers to what, I’m not that sure myself either. But somehow, I think He knows. I’m so afraid of a lot of things right now. I’m so afraid of guys approaching me. I shut myself up, I kept my distance. It’s not what I used to be. I changed the topic, I never even want to mention or bring it up. That’s not what I used to be. I’m not facing it. I’m running away. I’m hiding from it. IT = LOVE + RELATIONSHIP. I failed miserably. One after another. That’s what I thought might have caused what is happening now. I’m wearing a shield now. Guarding myself. Staying away as far as possible. I need to protect myself. Protect myself from getting hurt again. I really can’t take another blow. It’s too much. It isn’t anybody’s fault. It’s just too much for me to bear. But now, … there’s something coming and I’ve got no idea how to handle that is all happening now.

8.21pm: Just made a BIG mistake. Formula One starts at 1am, not 8pm!!!!

8.28pm: Okie! I’m PISSED! I’m not going to let people decide my future anymore! I’m going to decide everything on my own. Damn it! I hate those wishy washy people!

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