where’s my wonderland?

still remember the time back in sec 2. 14 years old. so innocent then. used to think that everything was so perfect. everyone is so good. everything and anything will be so nice… and back then, a friend of mine will always tell me “time to wake up from your wonderland and into reality. it isn’t so perfect out there.” well… it had little effect on me back then ‘cos i’m always still dreaming, dreaming of the peace & harmony between people. the joy of life.

well.. things start to change after secondary. when i went to college. things were different. your friends are different. i start to look at some of the friends, whom i thought was my good friends back in secondary. but they are not. think its the environment that changed all of us. i started to not like to hang out with them. found them a bit bitchy, ah lians (in sg terms). found them searching for power, so determine to be better than other people. found only money in their eyes. it was saddening of course. but i didn’t really want to think about it and so… i drift slightly away from them and into another group of friends.

and slowly.. i knew more people. i see more things. my friends get lesser. really trustworthy friends a couple. less happier. more disappointed. to the point where i am now.

it isn’t that bad really. to find yourself at the point where you are. i’m 25 years old. only around 10 years and i’d turned from the ever bubbly and cheerful gal to a less than slightly happy person. truthfully, i’m sick & tired. every now and then, i tried to think that it isn’t THAT bad. but then… the more you grow up, your thoughts changed. probably you start to envy people and don’t like them to earn more than you, look prettier, have a better life than you. probably you start to look towards money and anything and everything is only money. and slowly but surely… you just drift away from ya so-called friends.

i’m tired. really tired. i’m tired of trying to be nice. no, i’m not trying, its in me. but i’m tired of being nice to people. i’m tired of letting myself get bothered so much with all the nonsense that people are creating. i find that most of my friends are just fake fake. they ain’t insincere. what else? isn’t that pathetic enough??


i’m THROUGH with those people. i AIN’T wanna have anything to do with them.
a bunch of stupid idiots who are so self-centered.

at this rate if i continue to talk to them, i think one day, i won’t recognise myself anymore ‘cos probably i’ll flare up at every sentence anyone talks to me.

i just want a simple life.
i rather be alone then mixed with those people.
enough is enough.

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