I Miss…

If you tell me that this is my choice, I couldn’t say no… But I never expected it to be so bad, and so long… And I probably thought it would be easier, and that you will be there. But then probably I’m wrong. I need more than just mental support. I can’t stay away from you as much as I tried. I really tried very hard and I’m still trying but it really just feel terrible at times. I can’t bring myself to enjoy anything, or at most, it’s all just short-lived. It’s terrible, you know? The way I’m feeling. I get so emotionally upset every now and then and I don’t know why, I just couldn’t help it. *CRY* I’m crying and yet nobody knows, nobody can help. I wish someone is there, I wish you can tell me it’s okay, I’m here for you, and really there for me. But you seems so far away. You think it’s crap when I act drama… but I am not acting drama… I really felt so terrible at times, like now, where I just locked myself in the room and… I have no idea what I want to do… I couldn’t restrict you from going out, I know that. You wouldn’t allow that either. It wasn’t logical too. No, that’s not the thing I want, to lock you at home. The thing I want is for you to show me your love to me on your own, and not like me asking for it. I don’t feel the… “you love me more than I do” thing anymore. Sometimes it just made me wonder if you DO still love me and miss me as much? I’m scare, you know? To be so far away from you, alone here, with too much free time for me to think of nonsense, and nobody that I love over here, I’m really scare… Zhu Zhu… I’ve been calling for help all these while… can you hear me?

*Pat Pat* Guai guai go and eating something, take a panadol then sleep ok… don’t think so much already, else your headache will worsen… See… Cry for what? You are the only person who is suffering… *CRY*

Some of the things… no matter what… just won’t change… do you know that?… *sob*

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