Starting Anew?

It’s the end of the year again. Tomorrow, it’ll be the Christmas eve. 2010, hasn’t been really that great a year for me, to be honest. It’s probably a year, filled with conflicts within myself, and a year that seems like a deja vu… to 2006. I don’t understand why is this happening but it happened, and the damages are all done…

I just came back from BJ with Ah Girl. It was nice, very relaxing and peaceful. I guess, a time, for both of us to look back and think through. I’m 30, she’s 32. I’m supposed to be getting married next year, she’s married. I’m re-thinking about getting married, she’s thinking of divorcing. We are both stuck in a situation that’s unforgivable. How did it happen? We both don’t really know. But we ain’t happy, about the situation, and we still don’t really know how to fix it…

We went to the temple and pray before we went to BJ. I drew a lot – medium lot. It says something like… if I really polished it, it will become a real jade. Meaning? Well, it’s ok, the outcome won’t be too bad, it’s just that I need a lot of patience and time… Do I have that? Sometimes I just felt very tired, I guess… To be ‘training’ them all, for the benefits of others. So should I, for once, ‘train’ this for myself? But… how can I bring myself to when I’ve seen the clear sky, felt the warm breeze and tasted the sweetness of the honey? How can I go back to where I left? Is there no turning back?

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