Thoughts – Prenatal Blues

A friend once warned me about this several months ago and I told him not to worry, I’ll keep everything in check. Yes, it’s still in check and has always been top of my list, for I don’t really want to fall into that blues… (as much as I can control)

And after yesterday’s episode and an extremely short yelling with the lil’ hub this morning, I’d come to my own conclusion of how prenatal blue comes about.

Of course the easiest way is just to blame everything on the hormones but I’m not going to do that yet. So what if it’s really the hormones that’s the cause of it? Humans can always do things to rectify it, where possible, right?

So firstly, it’s due to the lack of sleep? Yes, it doesn’t happen to some people, which is good for them. But for some, sleeping is a disaster. Take me for example, I never really have much problems sleeping until now, when the tummy is extremely huge, I would say. And neither directions seem to work for me except the “sitting” position. But at the end of my not-so-comfortable sleep, I’ll normally end up with a stiff neck or an aching back. Thats only PART of it. In the middle of the night, somehow no matter how little water I consumed at night, the bladder still gets filled and I’ll need to wake up at least once to unload it. THAT, definitely broke my sleep. And with this toilet break in the middle of the night, little milkie’s sleep was disturbed too, and she (TOO) will start to wriggle. THAT, disrupted my continuation of sleep. And that’s also when you see me start blogging at 5am+.

With all these events happening for the past weeks, trust me, my eyebags are getting darker by the day and my mood hadn’t been really as good for everyday, I’m battling with not just myself (to keep myself awake), but with the things at work, and back at home.

So, the next thing are the things that one is dealing with at work. Well, it doesn’t mean those that are not working won’t have this problem because they probably have too much time to start worrying and thinking for nothing. Anyway, being pregnant is already tiring enough (now that I finally experienced it). And if the work is sucky… hmm… that’s where you need to try and deal with the stress or whatever sh*t that you are experiencing.

For me, work can be quite stressful as the load is somewhat a bit relatively high, especially now that they’ve got this contract staff to replace me during my maternity leave. Supposed to lighten my work? Yes, it’s supposed to, but that’s provided if that person can meet my standards which… I’m starting to wonder if I’m a perfectionist (or close to one) because most people just doesn’t seem to reach my standard. I’m spending more time explaining than doing my own things. I seem to need to tell him every steps in order for something to work. It’s too detailed, I might as well do it on my own which probably will take a shorter time… Sigh…

Anyway, after a tiring day, all I’m looking forward is that nice little 1-3 hours with the lil’ hub. But before that, I’ll need to face and accept the same things before I can proceed. Yes, it’s the things done by my MIL (which accumulates to one whole list). As much as possible, I tried to just either close my eyes, or just do it and don’t complain to the lil’ hub (since he already received lots of complaints while working). But at times, I still do complain it out to him. I’m PERFECTLY alright with this arrangement AS LONG AS there’s no NEW things popping up, which is where the problem is. Why? Because every now and then, there’s sure to be new things popping up. And when this new thing pop up, that’s where you’ll see me kicking up a fuss. But all these wouldn’t really pose a problem IF the lil’ hub (or your hubby) is there to sort of, support you or sooth you down.

It’s just that at times, my lil’ hub isn’t that sensitive… enough… and simply increases the chance of prenatal blues happening to me by saying things like… “You should have expected that all these will happen, if you hadn’t then we shouldn’t have gotten married” (You told me this not just once, but a few times, after getting married. Do you have any idea how hurt I am? Brainless pig.). “I hope this is due to your pregnancy, if not I’m not going to just let it go like that” (Great. I wonder how my life’s going to be after I give birth to little milkie. Makes me really wonder why I want to get married at times. Idiotic pig.). “Stop complaining. You are just deliberately blaming my mum” (Would I do that if she never did all those things that she does? And don’t I even have the RIGHTS to just vent it out a little? I’m not even showing all that BLACK face or actions in front of her… for goodness sake)

These are just a few of those which I received this morning. So yes, if your spouse belongs to the insensitive kind, there’s always a higher chance of you getting the blues…

And okay… back to the hormones. I do agree that it does have some effects on the emotions of a pregnant lady. But again, as I’d said, if humans do it right, the hormones won’t have their way.

Health Check: I’m not really that good, to be honest. I’m trying hard to hold back my tears (even now) and concentrate on my work. I’d been curbing and controlling those emotions and anger, and closing my eyes for one matter after another (for months) as much as I can but the lil’ hub doesn’t seem to appreciate it. Trust me, it’s not really that easy to stay with his mum especially when you are those that are a little bit more picky and tidy. I’m tired…

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