Thoughts – Jaundice

Day 3

8.54am – It’s so funny when you watched the lil’ hub totally K.O. on the sofa. Just one night, staying in the hospital with me probably made him regretted a lot. Imagine missing the Serta King size bed at home… *LOL* But then again, he SHOULD experience part of this, for for the past 2 nights, I already experienced it. Shouldn’t a couple share the bitterness too?

The breastfeeding started at about 11pm late last night, which ended with little milkie not wanting to drink at all. So we skipped it and asked the nurse to push her back until either when she’s hungry or her next feeding. We slept at about 1am, and then at 3am, little milkie came again, wide awake. The lil’ hub did wake up and helped to take a not-so-warm towel for me to massage the breast (I requested for a warm one though). Yes, I guess he’s still sleepy and thus didn’t really hear what I said. Even the nurse finds it amusing and commented something on it. Half an hour later, I asked him to go and sleep while I continued on my own. He K.O. again.

At about 6am just now, little milkie came again and this time round, the lil’ hub totally couldn’t make it. He only made a comment “I have no idea how you can do that if it’s going to be everyday.” and then he fell back onto the sofa bed. Alas. That’s only ONE night.

And now, at almost 9am, I’d finished my breakfast (his is still left untouched) and am trying to get some rest before little milkie comes again. Now I know why breastfeeding will make you slim down. Not only will it reduce the fats due to some hormonal changes in your body when you breastfeed, you wouldn’t have much appetite to eat as the days continue in such hectic and demanding schedule. I think I just lost my appetite. Indigestion seems to be coming next. And I think I’m getting stress out at the breastfeeding part. It wasn’t really that easy to latch little milkie.

(Unknown time)

I just couldn’t help it, when I heard the news that little milkie wasn’t able to be discharged today because of jaundice… 12.0, that’s the result of her blood test. Is she feeling okay?

Jaundice, which occurs in most newborns, happens when their liver couldn’t process the high level of bilirubin that was produced during the breakdown of the red blood cells. And the yellow pigmentation comes from this chemical. The treatment for this is basically to put the newborn under an ultraviolent light for hours, so that it can help to breakdown the excess bilirubin. Frequent breastfeeding may also help to clear the jaundice.

I¬†was worried and so I went to take a look at her at the nursery. But then the nursery was closed and so I took a peek through the window…

Alas… Probably it was a bad move. There she was, lying on her “bed” under the ultraviolet light in her diapers only, screaming and crying her head off… How pitiful can it goes… My little milkie crying and yet I couldn’t cuddle her at all. That was my first thought. Second thought? Was it because she never drank enough due to the poor latching? Or was it REALLY due to all the food that I ate while I was pregnant? (Though I never believed on all these, and the mother and MIL had asked me not to eat this and that, and that before which I ignore)

Suddenly, and unknowingly, I put the blamed on myself for causing little milkie to suffer and the tears started to flow…

The lil’ hub saw it but thought that I was just worried. I didn’t say anything. I just tried to stop crying.

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