Blog #0430

9.23am – Just reached office not long ago. I’m sooooooooo late for work recently. Bad. But how? When I need to do so many things early in the morning, and yet to have enough sleep for me to last through the whole day. Pimples are already popping out on my face. Poor lil’ hub… he stayed for the last 2 night and I supposed he’s worse off than me since he always had more sleep. And with his extremely low morale team at work, it’s bad. How bad? Imagine him supporting the whole team yesterday? One on long leave, one work from home, one on mc and another one on one day leave. I hope his team won’t be as bad today. Anyway, better take care of myself first. Going to grab some food now before I go and pump the milk out. Last pump at 7am.

11.13am – Wow… so many big shots… Damn… Should have walked the other route instead of just behind them.

11.42am – I’m hungry already.

12.50pm – Bad. Bad. Bad. I’m so freaking tired…

1.03pm – Sigh… What should I do…? It can’t continue like that… There’s hardly any motivation at work at all. And the lack of sleep just makes it worse. How? I’ve been dozing off in front of the computer for the past 2 days. With the brain working atĀ almostĀ total shut-off mode.

1.31pm – How’s life? I’m doing my pumping now. Second one at work. Had decided to drop off one and pump 3 times instead of 4 during office hours. So how’s work? Bad. Very bad.

The mind can’t focus. The eyes can hardly open. And every 3 hours, I’ll need to go for a pump. Tried to be organized and I did, but I don’t have the energy to execute it. And so it just kept on piling and delaying. It’s bad.

It’s been almost a month since I’m back for work again. Lots of changes to the structure in the company till I seem to have lost my direction too. Yet the boss couldn’t confirm on anything still. Is my job on the rocks? Gee… I don’t know about that either. Feels like a time bomb is going to tick off anytime! I don’t feel secure, especially after my colleague asking me if I have started to look for a job last friday. And I definitely ain’t impressing anyone with my current work at all, if there is any to begin with. I’m late for work almost everyday but I’ll go back almost on the dot. Pumping will take at least 1.5 hours of the time I’m in the office, and that’s almost like a quarter of it. Sigh…

Basically, there’s just no mood to do anything except to sleep and play with the baby. Urgh… and the cleaner lady is knocking on the door again. Damn.

5.45pm – Let’s go home…

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