Thoughts – Knowing What You Want

Am sipping my cup of milo, and recalling on the things that a friend told me early this morning at 4am. It’s not surprising these days to receive such SMSes at weird hours from him. He couldn’t sleep. And he needed someone to talk to.

It’s not the first time, and I know it’s not going to be the last, unless either he changes his way of thinking and accepts the facts, or he lives the way he wants to.

Ah. The problem with so many. Not knowing what they want and blindly followed the others. In the end, causing more problems and hurting more people. Otherwise, “suffering” in silence. Maybe that’s where the “suffering” comes from after marriage. But who’s to blame? (If you insisted on blaming someone) No one but yourself.

He told me that he admired my courage for cancelling my marriage, not once, but twice. Of course for the latter one, I decided to still go ahead with it, but on a later date. I do, sometimes, wonder how come I went ahead like that. But I’ll always have an answer. And that’s because I know what I want. I know it’s not going to last because I couldn’t see a good end coming. And I didn’t want myself to suffer, and in turn, cause another person to suffer even more. After all, “short term pain is better than long term pain”. Or maybe you can put it in another way. I’m probably just too selfish and love myself too much, to want to suffer. *LOL* Either way, I don’t regret.

Now, looking at him. I wonder what’s going to happen. He’s married to someone whom he felt comfortable with but might not love as much. He couldn’t be with someone that he loves a lot. Ah… sounds familiar? Oh yes, it happens everywhere. What’s the problem here? Him. He went into a relationship without much thought. Doesn’t matter. He went into a marriage with a little thought. Bad. That’s the problem when you just went ahead and follow the others. Worse still if you mind how others look at you.

Then again, does knowing what you want helps? Yes, provided if you dare to do what you want. Otherwise, it’s all just talk and psycho-ing of one’s mind. Since, if you know what you want and yet you can’t or don’t dare to chase after it, there’s nothing you can do except to accept it in silence. And then to make the best out of whatever you have, so that you’ll be happier, and so will the people around you.

Well, I just hope things will be fine soon… Or else… I really am not sure what’s going to happen…

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