Ramblings #0746

8.52am – How nice it is, to know that, I’m forgotten, early in the morning…

9.10am – Hush hush little milkie… Mummy needs to go and work… I’ll come back and play with you okay? I promise…

9.18am – Despite the fact that eventually you did send me to work, I felt like I’m no longer in your vision. Your whole world is filled with your new excitement and there’s totally no space for neither myself nor the baby. You are too tired yourself such that you can’t even handle it properly. How, then, can you handle the rest of the things?

Am I to be really what the prophecy said? To give and never to expect? Then, what happens when I’m really down now? Am I really to be on my own? Can you, just take a look at me, now? Even if it’s just for a short while…

9.32am – Once again, the decision to go on a holiday overseas or locally had been dismissed off. Is it really that difficult? Or should I simply just proceed to go ahead and book without your agreement? You’ve got a trip to look forward to, be it for leisure or business. I told you that I DESPERATELY needed a break but till now, I’ve got NOTHING to look forward to. And not to remind you that I’m still running on empty fuel.

11.08am – It definitely doesn’t help to have people around you having the same kind of negative thoughts and feelings…

1.24pm – For weeks, I dwell in this vicious cycle which I’m trying to get out. But this time round, the wall seems much higher than it used to be and I felt hopeless. Sending a help signal to the wrong person at the wrong time makes the hope of getting out of it even more bleak. I’m frustrated. Frustrated with my brain for always sinking every now and then.

3.18pm – While the brain is a little cleared out after a walk, let’s do some work.

5.16pm – … and he asked me to remember to pull myself away… because no one will does that for me…

7.07pm – Time to go relax and clean my face a little. Hope it lifts the mood up.

10.28pm – Took almost an hour to, ONCE AGAIN, convince the auntie to choose a better school over a convenient average school. What’s more, it isn’t the choice of my cousin. The word is “TRY”. If you don’t try, you will never get it. But if you TRY, who knows, you might be lucky and strike a lottery. Right? Thankfully, she gave up fighting at the last moment. Sigh… I’m glad this will only be a ONE time.

Now… time to turn to the active baby…

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