Thoughts – Breaking the Vicious Cycle

Somehow, I probably could change my job and become a counsellor after I went to take some certificates. One after another, they came to me. I guess I’m really born with quite a good life, to be almost free of such headaches. Or maybe it’s partly because of my personality, where I tend to just endure where possible. After all, as the Chinese saying goes, “Big thing becomes small, and small thing becomes nothing.” Ah… something like that.

Anyway, apparently B argued with her husband again yesterday, over small issue (to me). Sigh… and that’s because her husband went back to his mother’s place to eat at the last minute again without informing her, and that she went out to drink with friend yesterday or some day earlier too. Sigh… but what to do if she don’t listen? For times and again, we’d told her to just stay at home and stop going out. And yet she went against our advice and continued blindly with her de-stress methods. It’s not going to work. She’s obviously stuck in a vicious cycle where only she can break it. And the only way is to stop going out!

Almost a year ago, she started going out and hanging out with these group of friends (both male and female). Of course, if you asked me, it would have felt good. Imagine enjoying the company of your friends instead of going back to face the household chores and a husband whom you CHOSE to believe that he doesn’t care and one whom you can’t communicate with.

So things started to get a bit out of hand. She went out so often until her husband started to question her. And funnily, she can question her husband but not the other way round. As time goes by, there seems to be more problems arising in that family. But that doesn’t stop her from going out, in fact, it gave her more reasons to get away from that family.

But you see, it’s a cause and effect thing. Her change of behaviour a year back had led to a series of other changes which she just simply refused to understand nor agree. And all she did was to expect that her child and husband to change. But that’s not going to work because it’s always easier if you change yourself instead of other parties. Always begin with you, that’s something to be remembered.

Now, unless she’s willing to step down, and tell herself that she’s going to give herself and her husband another chance, this marriage is not going to work. I’d told her but I doubt she’ll listen. So I can only wait and see, for I’d said whatever that I wanted to, several times already.

May God bless her.

Leave a Reply