Ramblings #1190

7.25am – I’m early today. Refused to wake up at 3-ish, and dragged till 6am before I woke up, top half soaked with nutritious breast milk. BREAST LEAK! Right…

Anyway, it’s finally Tuesday. Well, it really does seems that long to me. I haven’t done much yesterday thanks to the form that I need to fill up. But it’s a good form. A form that I want to fill up, which means I have a chance to move to the next stage. Nonetheless, there is still this bit of dilemma within me. No idea? We shall wait and see. Shall not give myself too much hope for the fear of greater disappointment. So, let’s just wait and will update you when the time comes.

I’m planning to go to the gym today. To relax and to clock my 10,000 steps. Alas… I kept failing in that one of recent. Thanks to the haze that stopped me from wanting to walk back home either. It reached 300 PSI at certain parts of Singapore yesterday. At my area, it’s 200+. It’s bad. The windows and doors had to be closed and little milkie is getting a little irritated to have to stay at home for so many days. For me, I just need the 2 of them to recover first.

Schedules didn’t go according to plan but at the very least, I noted, the things I had to do, down in a notebook instead of pieces of paper. Looks like I really need a combination of online calendar and a notebook to TRY and make my life a little more routine. Now there’s only one big problem left – IDEAS.

With all my energy being all sucked dry, there is hardly any idea or inspiration left. How? I turned to random word generator this morning and saw these few words. Does it inspires you or any sort?

Whistle. Box. Nut. Calendar. Form. Rate

Time is running out. I better go and start preparing for work. Shall try and continue to crack my head later.

9.20am – I’m early in the office today but never really started early. Have not taken my breakfast yet as I’m scanning through the newsfeed in my FB. Hmm… common things that I saw. Well… “You Singaporeans shall repent…”. Gee… why do we need to repent? It’s just a choice. It can be good, it can be bad. Whatever it is, it is already a decision made with the majority votes (I repeat: you have no idea what my vote is), i.e. your fellow Singaporeans, whether you like it or not. No regrets. And “repent” feels a little too much.

Evolution, is NEVER an easy thing. I really don’t see the point to aggravate people more because that, in my opinion, will only push some of the neutral parties to the other side. Like I said, gather the power for the next battle. If you are of a certain quality, people will vote for you! *wink*

2.49pm – After a nice free lunch from my boss, and a downpour to clear away the haze, and the sending out of a important form, the mood sure lighten up quite a little. Am trying to clear my list now, especially those that was listed out last week. Press on!

11.28pm – At this late hour at night, I lied on my bed, smelling bad. Time flies when I’m back home. A moment ago, I was still carrying my bag, my pumping gear and the bag of groceries, and struggling to get up and off the bus, and eventually back home in that hazy evening. And then came the relief to pump out that 250ml of stored breastmilk before proceeding to have my late dinner. A rest would have been divine but alas, little milo woke up for milk and thus I fed him, and carried him, and played and sang with him. Before I realize it, it was already 10pm. The lil’ hub called and we had a short chat. He went to sleep shortly after. I had intended to take a shower first but the milk kept on leaking and so I pumped first. Little milkie decided to play naughty and got a scolding from me that shocked her. Now that I just finished and was about to gather my clothes, my sister came back and took the bathroom. Gosh… I’m still hanging on.

At times, I really envied the life that I used to have. No burden, no commitment. Even now, I do envied the lil’ hub for being able to sleep at 10pm. I could never have that luxury, not even if I’m sick. I’m trying hard not to hit little milkie but she’s pushing me to the edge. As for little milo, I hope he will wisen up when he’s older.

I, with that limited sleep, won’t be able to control my temper. I, who felt so inbalance, won’t be able to hide my emotions.

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