“Mommy, how to do this?”
“Mooooommmmy, I want story book.”
“Mommy, I don’t know how to do this.”
“Wah, beee, how ah? I really cannot accept…”
“Mommmmmmmmy, I want homework”
Mommy, moooommmmmy, mommy, moooommmy, beee, mommy, beee, moooooommmmyyy, mommy, beeee, mommmy, mooooommmmy, beeeee, mooommmy, mommy, bee, mommy, bee, mooommmmyyy!!!
“Wait, wait, WAAAIIIITTTTT!” cried the mom, inside her head.
That’s how I’d been feeling, most of the time when I’m at home. But yet, I had to try and make sure that I don’t flare up. After all, the children ain’t that old yet, and they needed my company and attention, and that goes the same for the lil’ hub. Then again, what about the mommy dearest?
(Breathe… I just want to breathe…)
It could be due to the recent events, that left me feeling breathless, especially today when anxieties suddenly hit me out of nowhere while we are out shopping. It used to only occur when I am at work. No good. I am not good.
Even as I am writing now while eating the left over kueh lapis and drinking a cup of milk, I can’t seem to fully calm myself down. There is simply just too many things going inside my head. My insurance, parent’s insurance, credit card, retirement, car, children’s homework, outstanding work, travel plans, rashes, scars, sunburnts, childcare, money, business, pack the room, vacuum cleaner, milk bottle and the list goes on.
(I feel so tired…)
Then just go and sleep. That will be what the lil’ hub would say. I wished for that too. But if it’s a weekday, I will have to wake up at 5.50am so that I won’t need to fight for the toilet with the rest. And on weekends, most of the time I will be woken up my little milo who only disturbed me and wants my company. I should be happy but yet I wished I had some more time to breathe. Me-time?
Friends told me that in future, even if I want their company, they might not want mine anymore. So I guess I should simply just endure it?
(But… but… but…)
To the extent that my anxieties came back, is that a good thing?
Me-time should be available on a daily basis, so that the mom gets to recharge, and thus can give more afterwards. The mom should not wait to prevent sudden burn outs like that.
But how? When having me-time seems like a luxury. Having sanity day once in a while doesn’t seem enough, yet cannot afford to go out too often. Is there anything to be done that provides some kind of comfort and sanity for the mothers?